Part 6 The Day of Loss

The Day of Bad Luck!

When Ciaka, my puppy was eleven years old, he was bitten by a neighbor's big dog cause wounded at his chest. Three months later he would dyspnea and tired easily than usual while lying flat, so he needed to sit all the time instead. I never knew about it at all, until I received a call from my sister. She told me that Ciaka was very sick. She wanted me to go home to see him and what should handle.

How this happened!

Kris took him out of the house to doing his business as usual. But this time she left him out there alone and she went back into the house to do something.

When she came out again, it was found that Ciaka has disappeared.

Kris tried to find him around but no any dogs. Tried next; she ran to the first intersection in a village, then the second and then faced something worst. With shocked, she screamed as loud as she can. In front of her was Ciaka who had been bitten by the two big dogs.

The reason why he went there alone is because he just saw a dog, his old friend who moved to a new house in next alley and he ran followed it without aware on what he might be faced. He was bitten deeply at chest.

I took him to the nearest clinic for animals. Doctor said that he had pulmonary edema, needed to be admitted. I left him there to get medical observation for two nights. But then they called me to get him back because Ciaka denied eating. He was in a bad mood and also started to be aggressive and sometime bit nurses even though he had never bitten anyone. He could not breathe very well because there was some air leaking from the lung and it was hard for him to sleep flat because the lung was flooded. It was the serious case. I got him back home with some medicines.

After back home, his symptom was worse. He could not lay flat on the floor, just sitting and fall asleep a nightlight. I watched him with the feeling blue. I sometimes thought I should find the way to let him sleep eternally without suffering like this. I knew there is some medicine can help. Poor Ciaka!

Thinking about the Animal Hospital!

Again, Kris and I took him to Kaset-sart Animal Hospital where it is far from home and we stayed with him there till evening, but the vet put him on a ventilator and placed him in a big glass box, I sat near him for two hours. Due to there are a lot Animal came in out there for me, so it must wait for a bedroom. Anxious when he could not see me and Kris. Eventually initiating Vet said to leave him for noticing. He was moved from the front to the side in which the Animals overnight accommodation, Ciaka looked at me with the sadly eyes. I was dismayed at having to leave him alone. I and Kris drove back.

That night, I could not sleep well, just thinking about him very much and supposed that he was too, because he never stays alone. He watched me and Kris Crane whimpering as he had when he was barely a month, and I left him at home alone. 

The day of loss!
The next day, I was quite busy while looking forward to hear from the hospital of how he was and what they treated him next. Waiting until afternoon but no any ring call from the hospital; so that I called to inquiry and what I was hearing to stun me for minutes, that voice "Ciaka died last night" I’d like to scream, but no sound emanating from me, and Kris as well. I could not explain about my feeling at the time. We both were just thinking about what to do next. Of course, I have to bury him near our house but we had no space because our house was just a town house. We explored it around neighborhood and then found a space near the fence of the village but unfortunately, it was fully of the debris of a building covered over the surface. It was too hard to dig into.

Buried him in mind!

I decided to take him to upcountry, my home town it's about two hundred kilometers away from Bangkok. There is extensive space of our own. Kris and I took his frozen body without breath from the hospital to my parents’ home.  

On the way, I was phoning to one of my brothers to tell him to dig a hole for my dog. My brother teases me that “Want a monk for the ritual?” I serious said "Yes, I do”. But actually, he was afraid that father might not agree because the ritual is for a human only.

“To me; Ciaka just like a human. In another word he was like a dumb man. People can learn what dogs are thinking, feeling and demanding, don't need to speak out. They speak by eyes and body language.

Unexpectedly, my father got involved in the burial. He suggested doing this and that until completed. I was wondering why my father joined in the ceremony. My father who used to tell me to leave him at the age of two years because he was afraid that it might have ticks lives in the house they might clam into the inner ear and suck the blood.

I just looked at the dead body of my beloved dog while buried him under a jackfruit tree in back of a house. Time to said goodbye! “Good boy, to let you know, no matter when, I still love you. You will be in my heart forever...” I wanted to cry out but didn't know where my tears was gone away, no tears…just crying in it heart.

That evening, I and Kris got back to Bangkok. On the way, nobody said anything, we both were in silence. Perhaps Kris was thinking about her dog like me. Actually, I was in shock, I could not accept the death of my beloved dog. I also did not believe that he was really dead.

The tears came back!

Throughout the week I've been thinking about my beloved dog. I began to see the images in the past between all of us gradually come through, each scene were getting appear up in the memories and it was the day I had so much tears to the beloved dog, I lost control, couldn't stop crying, once I did realize that no way, to have him anymore, no longer the little dog who was waiting for my return.

How did you feel when you lost someone beloved?

Sharing your feeling here!

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